


A Hand To Hold

by goodwineandcheese



Category: Monster
Genre: Canon Divergence, Character Study, Drabble, Fluff, Fluff & Angst, The angst is pretty minor tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-20 20:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodwineandcheese/pseuds/goodwineandcheese
Summary: Tenma's hands shake at night when he dreams. Grimmer steadies them.





	A Hand To Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Short ficlet that takes place in an alternate, ambiguous post-Prague setting. I got talking with a friend and sad ideas got in my head so here we have a kind of sad little thing.

They shook when he slept.

It was something that Grimmer had noticed; now and then, late into the night, captured by some sort of unkind dream, the doctor’s hands would tremble terribly. His breathing came in short gasps, pained little sounds that Grimmer only wished he could heal. 

He wondered what those demons might be, that haunted the man. Tenma’s story was a grim one, far more terrible than Grimmer had ever considered. The lives lost, weighing down on the tender hearted man, harsh on his worn and weary shoulders. The blood that stained his own hands, the fire fight in the library.

Blood on his hands…

Grimmer reached, as he always did, and took that trembling hand between his own. He captured that hand between both of his larger ones, his fingers drawing slowly along the doctor’s wrist, soothing, calming, coaxing him to steady in his sleep.

_His_ hands were soaked, were _drenched_ in blood. Grimmer wondered if they shook that way, when he dreamed wicked dreams. 

Within the gentle cage, Tenma’s hand stirred. Steady, slow, but he felt the slight shift, the returned grip as Tenma gave his silent thanks to the presence beside him. It wasn’t the first time, and wouldn’t be the last.

“Time…?”

His voice was muffled, hidden behind a veil of hair that smothered his face. Grimmer continued to gently trace along Tenma’s wrist, still able to feel the tension about his friend.

“Not an hour that you or I should be awake.”

Tenma inhaled slowly through his nose. There was a slight catch in the sound, like he was struggling to maintain a calm about him. Riding out the anxious energy of that dream he’d had, probably. He let out his breath again, the blankets deflating over him, rustling as he moved a little nearer.

“Sorry.”

Grimmer paused, then smiled thinly, patting Tenma’s hand gently with one of his own.

“No, I was already awake. It wasn’t you.”

What calm had been there for a blessed few moments was replaced, rather abruptly, with a heavy tension once again. Tenma gave his hand another squeeze, before letting it relax again, so that it slipped free of Grimmer’s grasp to flop at his side. 

“Sorry about…”

He broke off, then made a small sound like a laugh, but it was half-hearted, laden with something a little bit pained.

“I’m not...sure what I’m trying to say.”

Grimmer knew what it was he was saying. If not the words, then the sudden atmosphere. It happened sometimes, especially times like this, late at night when Grimmer was wide awake. He leaned toward Tenma, reaching out and drawing a thumb along his friend’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. I’m still here.”

Like this, he could ease the doctor. It was worse if he woke when Grimmer was out of the room - getting a glass of water, or something of the sort. It ached his heart to see Tenma panicked so, calling out as though expecting no response. 

Tenma breathed slowly beside him, the audible catch in his throat telling of his thoughts. He curled inward, toward Grimmer, putting an arm around him.

“I know.”

His voice was softly apologetic, though there was no need for that. He was allowed to feel those concerned emotions, and Grimmer wasn’t burdened by them in the least. He let his hand draw lower along Tenma’s back, planting a gentle pressure there. _I am here._

“I’m not going anywhere. That hasn’t changed.”

Grimmer wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince, or if either believed it. This was a dangerous situation, after all. Each of them individually brought baggage, brought risks, brought painted targets on their backs; together it was an ugly combination. Neither was safe - not together, not alone. Perhaps it was selfish, but Grimmer didn't want to be any greater cause for Tenma's suffering. He had endured enough; to be hurt, because of him...

Grimmer truly had intended to go alone, back in Prague. He had said his goodbyes. He was ready to live a fugitive, a life he knew how to live well enough. But Tenma…

He couldn’t leave the doctor to his fate. To walk away was to see an innocent man chained. An innocent man, and a friend.

Rescuing Tenma from the police had been risky, and certainly did nothing for either of their track records. They were both sullied names in the eyes of the law. Outside of the law they were watched. There was not a safe place for them, not really.

Grimmer knew...if something were to happen, if anything...if he was compromised…

Tenma would wake alone, then. 

Sleepy eyes opened to look at him, to watch him. Those eyes reflected the very same. Tenma knew, just as well; if something happened, then he, too…

Tenma smiled, letting his eyes close again. He traced sleepily along Grimmer’s arm, until he found his hand and locked their fingers together in a comfortable grip. The lie was accepted, a peaceful half truth that they could both believe in for now. With his free hand, Grimmer caressed the tired doctor's cheek, drawing a tender touch along his jaw. Stubble pricked at his fingers but he didn't mind.

“Let’s see if we can get a little sleep before the sun starts showing up.”

Tenma released another sigh, but this one was easier, gentler. There was a relaxedness about him, about the both of them, as tired smiles crossed their faces. Grimmer allowed himself to absorb the warmth of the moment; the affection of Tenma’s gentle grip, the figure breathing beside him, the way his hair fell across his face. 

It was peaceful now. Calm now.

There was no telling what would come tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> It's cute but....sad too :( In my mind, it's Tenma who winds up leaving before Grimmer. Which just aches me even more ;-; I want them to be happy time to go back to happy stories


End file.
